Thursday, July 7, 2011

Spawn, Suckerpunch, Cabin Fever, Insidious, Idle Hands, Slumber Party Massacre 1, 2 & 3, The Coffin, Wake Wood, Final Destination 2 & 3

 June 23, 2011 
Spawn (1997)

Yawn. I seriously fell asleep watching this. Twice. Still one if the best soundtracks ever. The movie blows goats. Gleefully it seems.

June 25, 2011
Suckerpunch (2011)

Totally a horror movie. For any woman ever. Son, I am disappoint. I knew from the reviews this was gonna be a misogynistic mess but was surprised by how awful it was. The smaller the costume the crazier a bitch is? This was filthy and not in a good way. Mr Snyder, I'm gonna pretend this didn't happen ok? You had your creepy wank rape fantasy period. Let's end it here. :( 

June 27, 2011
Cabin Fever (2003)

Was it really 7 years ago Eli Roth burst (har har) on the scene with this nasty little flick? So creepy, so over-the-top gross. And one of my favourite lines/characters ever in a movie. PAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNCAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEESS!!
Oh Dennis. you know bad blood when you taste it. Go back and re-watch this. Total fun.

June 28, 2011
Insidious (2011)

Second viewing. Totally holds up as one of the creepiest movies I have seen in a damn long time. Great tension!

June 29, 2011
Idle Hands (1997)

One of my top 10 horror movies of all time. Seriously under-rated and over-looked. It has knitting in it, and marijuana saves the day! Cheese abounds in this, but if you scratch the surface, it's a fucking shit show of scary. I love this little flick with my whole black heart. I'm Leatherface!!

June 30, July 1/2, 2011
Slumber Party Massacre 1, 2/3 (1982/1987/1990)

How have I not seen any of these?
1 is a pretty straight up slasher, with lots of early 80's boobs and a pretty weak story. The really strange thing about all of these is the killers. In 1, you never really know why he's killing (aside from an article in a newspaper mentioning a psycho on the loose) or how he picks these girls. Random, but you know standard. 
2 on the other hand, is clearly BAT SHIT INSANE. I have no idea what the fuck was going on at the best of times. But it did evolve into a bizarre musical with the killer (who may or may not have been dreamed up by our final girl) singing whole songs with his guitar drill. Yes. I said guitar drill. Oh the 80's! 
3, well I've never seen a bunch of people who deserved to die more. Standing and screaming and ugggggh. It couldn't be over fast enough. And the killer seemed like he was written in at the last minute as they couldn't figure out how to incorporate one. So lets make a guy whose Uncle was a suicidal cop who may or may not have touched him inappropriately. I think. I'm still not clear.
The other thing all 3 had in common is they were all directed by Women. I wish I could say they were well directed, but... sigh.

July 3, 2011
The Coffin (2008)

Based on a true Thai Ritual this boasts. Well after watching this, I reckon no one wants to take part in this ritual anymore. It doesn't seem to work out like you planned. It's a Monkey's Paw kind of story in what you wish for comes true with TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES! Also, it was shot with a blue filter to make it look spooky or something. It's disjointed and poorly told. Don't watch this. Go read a book. Any book.

July 4, 2011
Wake Wood (2011)

Now talking about things going terribly wrong.. what could possibly be bad about trying to resurrect your daughter from the dead? If you play by the rules, nothing I suppose. But wouldn't that be a boring movie? Good thing people in these are never playing by the rules. This was a fun Irish movie, with some creepy bits and good atmosphere. I'd say it's a watcher.

July 5/6, 2011
Final Destination 2/3 (2003/2006)

I admit it. I have a real soft spot for these movies. The Rube Goldberg machinations alone make them worth watching for me. They maintain a solid mythos and are plain ol' entertaining. You like 'em or you don't. I do. Both fun to watch my biggest beef was with all the turtlenecks worn in 2. At least that what my notes said. So yeah. I'm kinda excited to see the next one come out.

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