Thursday, April 28, 2011

Valentine, 8mm, Shockwaves, Jurassic Park 2 & 3, Trollhunter, Hide & Creep, Hellraiser 5: Inferno, Dementia 13, Wolfen

Apr 15, 2011
Valentine (2001)

I know I've seen this before, maybe more than once. It really is that forgettable. The thing I took away from this movie was how ugly our shoes were in the 90's and early 00's. Big clunky ugly, heavy heeled things. Appalling. Oh and Marley Shelton is ADORABLE. 

Apr 16, 2011
8mm (1999)

I made Chris watch this with me. I had seen it before but he hadn't. It was a rather restrained role for Mr Cage. He pulled back the lunacy until the very end, well done! It makes me laugh how we were so "Oh a movie about snuff films!" back in the day. Now? Ha! They didn't show any real gross violence (strike one). The sex was pretty non weird for a supposed underground (strike two), and they didn't even show the money shot of the whole thing! STRIKE THREE. It did, however have Peter Stormare who scares the shit out of me for real. Also Joaquin Phoenix is sweetly amoral. Don't get me wrong, I actually really liked it. It was a good movie, even if they did wuss out on the ending. I'd say watch it. Good fun.


Apr 22, 2011
Shock Waves (1977)

Back from Vegas with a bang! How can you not love Nazi Zombies? SERIOUSLY HOW?? This is such a fun movie! The people are stupid, it has Peter Cushing and NAZI ZOMBIES!!! SO. MUCH. AWESOME.

Apr 23, 2011
Jurassic Park 2&3 (1997, 2001)

We did a double header creature feature. They are very different movies but both enjoyable in their own ways. 2 brings back Ian Malcolm (sexy scientist extraordinaire!) and his kid (ugh, hate that trope) and girlfriend (Julianne Moore). Dinos are still around, and San Diego needs to be saved. It was pretty corny, but I have to say I LOVE DINO-SOURS! 3 was actually a better movie as far they go, with more action and Sam Neill reprising his JP1 role. The Velociraptors are back and there is a new scarier bigger ickier monster too. It also has Pterodactyls! Like Pterri from Pee-Wee's playhouse! 

See? I'm biased but I liked the JP movies. Good clean fun. With people getting eaten. The best kind of fun!

Apr 24, 2011
Trollhunter (2010)

I've had this movie for a while now and I've tried to convince Chris to watch it with me. He thought it sounded stupid until he saw a trailer on some website. Then he was all "Why haven't we watched this? It looks amazing!" Sometimes I could beat him with a pointy stick. Anyways, it was like a Norwegian Blair Witch with Trolls instead of witches. Super effects (especially if you like the Gnomes book when you were small like I did) and really good acting. The Trollhunter himself was grand to watch. What a super chill dude. Really good film. Search this out, it will be worth it. 

Apr 25, 2011
Hide And Creep (2004)

Now this is a low budget flick worth watching! I bitch about movies that have shitty effects/acting/writing but this surprisingly had all three and still manages to work. The premise is as thin as my softest sheets, but it is truly entertaining still. The director also wrote and stars in it. He is particularly good as Chuck. Which is his name IRL. Coincidence? I doubt it. Somehow this turned out to be great fun. If you like zombies (and if you don't.. why are you reading this? Really?) go on, watch it. It's on Netflix.

Apr 25, 2011
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)

Look, I like this movie ok? I know the gazillion sequels, remakes and re-boots are annoying as shit, but this, this is different. It has Craig "one expression" Sheffer in it! He of Nightbreed fame! It's a very Noir-ish thriller with very little Pinhead in it at all. It's a time travel/mindfuck of fun.

Apr 26, 2011
Dementia 13 (1963)

Francis Ford Coppola's first foray into directing. He came from Roger Corman's stable of hired hands and you can sure see that influence here. Alternately cheesy and creepy, this is full of stereotypes and overacting. All a staple in this genre/time period. Most enjoyable.
Apr 27, 2011
Wolfen (1981)

Holy shit this is the worst. Just the fucking worst. A terrible movie with niether werewolves or shapeshifting depsite what (the very young) Edward James Olmos says. Boring, long winded, and using way too much heat sensing filters, this will make you want to claw your eyes out for relief. I couldn't care less about the hippy bullshit eco warrior nonsense and the noble savage angle. BORING. Ugh this movie made me so unhappy that I wanted to kill a unicorn.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Sleepaway Camp, Return to Sleepaway Camp, The Boogeyman (1980), The Resident, Psycho 2, Dreamcatcher

Apr 12, 2011
Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Again, another movie I have never seen. Was the 80's just a complete deathtrap for kids or what? Between dodging the pedo-cook, playing on the roof and lifeguard unattended swimming sessions, it looked like a minefield of troubles. The kitchen alone possessed more filth in the hugely disgusting flypaper strips than Times Square does now. Euw. I think the tone of this movie was set by the clearly insane/really high Aunt/Mom and it went shit sledding like mad after that. I had already been spoiled about the *shock* ending but it was still pretty funny. For all the wrong reasons I'm sure.

Apr 13, 2011
Return To Sleepaway Camp (2008)

Seeing Vincent Pastore (Big Pussy) was an indication of the amount of money the producers were about to inject into this fine film. Yup, it was THAT good. I have acronym for this kind of movie. ICBIWTWT. I can't believe I watched the whole thing. It really applies here. Terrible stuff.
Apr 13, 2011
The Boogey Man (1980)

I was hoping this might be a little gem that could cleanse my palate. But no. Although it was a fucked up mess of the weird kind, it failed to make that transition into weird AND wonderful. It was just weird. And badly acted. I have to admit I did like the premise of a mirror that can possess farm implements and people across the lake. Not for the easily bored. 

Apr 13, 2011
The Resident (2011)

This however was AMAZING. I think this was Hammer's 2nd or 3rd outing in their new incarnation and I really am happy to have them back. Chris and I both really enjoyed this. There are moments that make this  incredibly uncomfortable to watch, which is what good horror movies do. They make you feel stuff that outside of the norm. Kind of like the old eps of The Office without having to endure Steve Carrell. I hate him. Anyways, my only beef with this movie is not enough Christopher Lee. His role was very small. Minuscule in fact. but it was good to see him at all. JDM does a great job as creepy, a role I didn't know he had in him and Hilary Swank is completely vulnerable. Very enjoyable evening. Well not so much for her, but I sure liked it.

Apr 14, 2011
Pyscho 2 (1983)

Poor Tony Perkins. Psycho both made and ruined his career. I can see why he took this role, but I wish it he didn't have to. It was ok enough but how do you compare with the original. Meh.

Apr 14, 2011
Dreamcatcher (2003)

Oh dudes, I love this movie. I know I know, but I do. My mind fills in all the weak empty spots of the script from the book and I LOVE the men in it. All of them. Really. The shitweasels are fully realised but do lack some weight (as do all CGI from that time period) and are an absolute horror. Kasdan does direct a gorgeous movie, and uses his Star Wars wipes with abandon. I know it's flawed but it is probably my favourite King adaptation. Even with the incredibly goofy finale. So. Fucking. Goofy.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Fly 2, Feast, Blair Witch 2: Book Of Shadows, Beyond Re-Animator, Live Evil, Cruising, Fright Night, La Horde, Waxwork, Waxwork 2: Lost In Time, Aftermath, Jurassic Park

Apr 5, 2011
The Fly 2 (1989)

Eric Stoltz was so very young here. And it had that girl from Melrose in it! A gross yet unsatisfying sequel. I took no notes, how weird right? Cannot recommend unless you are a rabid (I am killing myself with the funny here people) fan.

Apr 5, 2011
Feast (2005)

This was so much filthier than I remembered! A plenitude of humping and semen jokes. How can that be a bad thing! There is no gore lacking and it is loud, crass, vulgar and hilarious. Plus, where else will you Henry Rollins wearing pink ladies sweatpants. Except at his home maybe? I don't judge. Big awesome movie. Go watch it now.

Apr 6, 2011
Blair Witch 2: Book Of Shadows

I think Chris and I are about the only people who liked this movie. The characters are tropes in the most literal sense, the writing was pretty juvenile and it doesn't even take off until the 3rd act. Yet, I find it kind of compelling. I like the missing time stuff, and also the witch girl is so fucking fluffy bunny it makes me laugh. I have no idea why this gels in my brain but it does. Go figure. OMG EVIL WITCH!

Apr 6, 2011
Cruising (1980)

Al Pacino gets to look for the "HOMO KILLER ON THE LOOSE" as the headlines from this caring sensitively shot thoughtful little drama explains. Or he gets to look in leather daddy clubs where there is no boundaries and a moustache (not the ironic ones of today) is de rigueur. This movie truly left me confused at the ending, and I was paying attention this time! The scenes of gore are fairly decent and seeing how damn dirty NYC was is a set piece on it's own. I can't say it was fun to watch (except to moustache count) but it was a slice of .. something. I did need a shower after it was over.

Apr 7, 2011
Beyond Re-Animator (2003)

Oh Herbert West, you can't keep a good re-animator down can you? Now our intrepid hero (?) is in prison but the hijinks's continue with a new whiny assistant. Truly gross with some great gags (both gore and the funny kind!) this is pretty darn entertaining stuff here. The ending is a gong show of prison movie meets grindhouse gore fest with a torso that just won't quit. Really fun. Really really fun.

Apr 7, 2011
Live Evil (2009)

There is no excuse for a movie with this many recognisable faces in it to look as shitty as it does. Like it was filmed on my cell phone from 2004. It looks worse than the home movies my husband made me watch when we first started dating in 1997. THAT HE MADE YEARS BEFORE THEN. The sets were clearly like crew members houses or something, and the writing? Holy drive a doughnut truck through those plot holes bad. Not only did it look shitty, it was shitty. Shitty shitty shit shit. The Vampire party scene in particular was such a terrible anti-thesis of glamorous Vampire awesomeness to watch, it hurt my feelings along with my sensibilities. This made me want to punch a baby really hard. It was that bad. A STUPID DOLL VAMPIRE BABY. Holy hell what a mess.

Apr 8, 2011
Fright Night (1985)

Everyone loves this movie. It's funny and campy and gross. Three things that go good together. Like tuna fish, mayo and pickles. The Horror Movie Community is up in arms about this being re-made but I'm excited to see it. I always thought there was one incredibly miscast role (besides Jerry's sidekick who was a smirking douche.. but I digress) in this and hope to see if that can fix it. I'm looking at you Amanda Bearse. You were neither cute girl next door or hot slut vamp. Just a creepy mom haired squealer who let her boyfriend treat her like garbage. However, Chris Sarandon was pretty fucking spectacular as Jerry. He will be hard to replace. What a delicious flick. And I can still hear "Hahahaha BREWSTER" in my head.

Apr 9, 2011
La Horde (2009)

First French Zombie movie I've seen. It looked fantastique! You never know why the zombies happen, or have any back story on it at all. You just get tossed into a cop revenge drama (which was not that well thought out or written) that goes South really really fast. The characters were mediocre aside from the Old Man Trope they pick up who is a welcome addition at that point. The effects were decent, but it left me slightly cold. Don't really know if something was lost in translation but I couldn't have given less of a shit about the people in this world. They were all icky. Maybe my cereal box French doesn't allow for that kind of cross border idealism. Meh.

Apr 10, 2011

Apr 11, 2011
Waxwork 2: Lost In Time

I remember liking these a lot more the first time around. The characters seemed like barely sketched out ideas of characters than fully fleshed ones. I think they just went with what place holders they had and then had to make the best of it. The first one seemed to be the better of the two but number 2 did have a great appearance by Bruce Campbell that was the highlight of that sad mess. Regardless, neither of these stood up to the test of time (haha see what I did there?) and I would say nay to Waxwork. 1 and 2.

Apr 11, 2011
Aftermath (1994)

This short by Nacho Cerda has one of the shortest IMDB descriptors ever. It tells you the whole film. If you don't want to be spoiled quit reading this, and don't read that either. You've been warned. 
Yeah yeah, necrophilia. How can one be blase about it? This had a moment that shocked me so much I gasped out loud and scared my dog. But you can't sustain that. Cerda does try, but weirdly, this could have been cut by almost 10 minutes and still had the effect he wanted. Disturbing and truly gross, I'd suggest this only for the truly sick. Which I am one of apparently. Well isn't that nice?

Apr 11, 2011
Jurassic Park (1993)

Almost 20 years later and this movie still works on all levels. The effects look great still, that T-rex is one of my favourite movie baddies of all time. Gorgeously shot, wonderfully told tale of science run amok. Classic monsters never looked as good as these. LOVE.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Hobo With A Shotgun, Re-Aninmator, Rubber, Dead Calm, The Howling 3: The Marsupials, Blood Feast 2: All You Can Eat, Altered States, The Cave, Insidious, Bride of the Re-Animator, Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), Shaun of the Dead, The Fly

Mar 25, 2011
Hobo With a Shotgun 2011

How could you not love a movie like this? Ultra violent, exploitative, filthy, nasty and Rutger Hauer? What is not to love? This was a grimy world I really enjoyed visiting, but am so damn glad I don't live there. This was a super fun grindhouse movie that makes me have a modicum of faith that the movie industry isn't completely broken. Fantastic and fun but not for the faint of heart or apparently the people who bought tickets for it and were too dumb to figure it out and left 20 minutes in. Bravo Hobo!

Mar 26, 2011
Re-Animator (1985)

Based on a story by HP Lovecraft? I don't care if this is based on a Harlequin Romance novel, as long as Stuart Gordon and Jeffrey Combs keep making movies together, I'll keep watching them. Gross and funny don't get much better than this. Everyone needs to watch this.

Mar 26, 2011
Rubber (2010)

I had no idea what this was about. Chris put it on and from the first 5 minutes we were transfixed. An unexpected little movie of big ideas. A killer tire? Really? But it works, it really does. Great performances and a truly unexpected story pair for a unique little movie that will surprise even the most jaded of viewers. Nifty and funny!

Mar 27, 2011
Dead Calm (1989)

My notes say "menacing!" Please also note Nicole Kidman looks completely different than she does now. Maybe she still had puppy fat? Also, Billy Zane had hair and Sam Neill DOESN'T AGE. Enjoyed it.

Mar 28, 2011
The Howling 3: The Marsupials

Holy shit was this a terrible flick. More bug eyed, brow waggling acting than you can shake a stick at! Awful effects, too much fish eye lens and a plot that made no sense what so ever. Sometimes all that shit comes together to make a movie weirdly work, this isn't one of them. Simply bad.

Mar 29, 2011
Blood Feast 2: All You Can Eat

Now this is one of those movies that works. Cheesy effects and buckets of entrails! Bad acting and lots of boobs, it was super fun to watch. Really really fun. H G Lewis really was a helluva movie maker. Don't eat anything with red sauce and watch this, you've been warned. Bonus! John Waters as a naughty priest!

Mar 30, 2011
Altered States (1980)

Notes: Hippie freakout. Allegory of how man isn't complete until he knows love. Doesn't hold up well.
Dudes liked be naked back then.

Mar 31, 2011
The Cave (2005)

Despite having a terrible connection to Netflix that resulted in this looking like I watched it through the bottom of a dirty glass, I liked it more than I remembered. My strange slight crush on Cole Hauser may or may not have something to do with it. But the story was good, it looked good (what I could see) and it was a pleasant afternoon diversion.

Apr 1, 2011
Insidious (2011)

No joke here. This is the real thing. Creepy, dark, and spooky. James Wan delivers another winner. Truly a scary little movie with no gore, this would be a great introduction for a kid who liked the genre. You know, if you wanted to fuck him up real good. Like 'Salem's Lot did for my generation. Man, I loved this movie. It unsettled Both Chris and I. Yay!

Apr 2, 2011
Bride of Re-Animator (1990)

Did you see up there where I talked about the first Re-Animator? Yeah, same again. In fact I found the story tighter and a little more coherent. Highly recommended.
Apr 3, 2011
A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

I went and saw this with my friend who is terrified of these kinds of movies. It is SO MUCH FUN to go with someone like that. She screamed, watched through her fingers and was generally just awesome to watch along with this movie. Upon second viewing (at 7 am no less!) she really made it better than it was. It wasn't terrible, but I really have no beef with re-makes in general. It was meh, but I am damning it with faint praise indeed. :/

Apr 3, 2011
Shaun of the Dead (2004)

When Chris and I went to see this in the theatre, he had no idea it was British. The second time we watched we put on the subs for my accent challenged husband. I'm proud to say after this 11th viewing, he doesn't need subs anymore. Actually I jest, he is really good with accents now. Finally.

Who the hell hasn't seen this yet? If you haven't why are reading this blog? sheesh.

Apr 4, 2011
The Fly (1986)

Yuck. I totally forgot how gross this movie was. Jeff Goldblum is completely entrancing as BrundleFly. Geena Davis was a little more mouth agape than I remembered, but this is a Cronenberg masterpiece. Nasty medicine cabinet for snoopers.