Friday, March 25, 2011

Warlock; The Armageddon, Ghost Story 1981, Nightmares In Red White And Blue, Dead End 2003, Santa Sangre, In Search Of Lovecraft, Season of the Witch, Ghoulies, Dagon

Mar 17, 2011
Warlock; The Armageddon (1993)

I took pretty copious notes as I watched this. The director LOVES the split screen shot. I do too, but he beat that horse until it was DEAD. sigh. The is some terrible dubbing going on in some scenes, visibly. There is lots of the story missing as huge chunks of it doesn't make any sense at all. Like how a kid who has had 3 days of practice can best a millenia old demon, but really isn't that just nit picking at this point? This movie stunk.

Mar18, 2011
Ghost Story (1981)

Haha, my notes say "old dudes". and that's it. There truly is more to this than that. A vengeful ghost (the always creepy Alice Krige! who is young and gorgeous here) who travels to exact her revenge. Craig Wasson in a challenging (not) dual role! I always think he is Bill Maher at first. heh. Flashbacks! Dancing! Old dudes! I quite enjoyed this, but did find a tick long. Maybe my attention span is getting.. hey! What's that?

Mar 19, 2011
Nightmares In Red White And Blue (2009)

Decent documentary on the history of the American horror movie. It moves pretty quickly, touching on all periods. It's not a terrifically in depth doc, but if it tried to be it would have been 4 hours+ I reckon. A great primer for anyone looking to start viewing the genre. I don't think I learned anything but had fun watching.

Mar 20, 2011
Dead End (2003)

I wish Ray Wise was in more stuff that I liked. He is just a joy to watch in everything. Even this uneven and very long feeling film. The Mom character was pretty badly written and should have died sooner so I didn't have to watch her painful-ness. Lazy writers. Grumble grumble. The gore was pretty ok, even if it was sparsely used. Reaction shots are fine and all, but I kinda wanna see what you are freaking out about. Even a little please? It was an alright movie, saved mostly by Mr Wise. He is awesome.

Mar 21, 2011
Santa Sangre (1989)

HOLY SHIT THIS AN AWESOME MOVIE. I finally got a good copy of this. I had only seen it on VHS before this and the difference in quality was amazing. I saw things I hadn't seen before! Of course this may have been the first time I've watched it sober too. Go me! I can't say enough about a movie that has circus performers, prostitutes, luchadoras and everything in between. An amazing film that anyone with an interest in art house/horror/freakout cinema must see. Go on.. you know you wanna.

Mar 22, 2011
In Search Of Lovecraft (2008)

What a piece of CRAP. There is no excuse for a movie to look so.. homemade in this day and age. The acting was awful. The sets were terrible. The writing was abysmal. Everything just stank stank stank. Ugh. When I see movies like this it makes me want to punch a baby. DO NOT WATCH. Also note to everyone involved in this atrocity: please never make a movie again. EVER. Thank you, the rest if the world.

Mar 22, 2011
Season Of The Witch (2011)

It took a Nic Cage movie to wash away the foul taste left by that other rancid POS. So that is saying something! Look, I have a confession. I kinda love Nic Cage now. I went through a a period of hating him, but it's swung right around. Now I love his insanity (have you watch Bad Lieutenant; Port Of Call New Orleans? HOLY HELL FUNNY) that he brings to every roll he does. Ron Perlman chews his way through this with gusto too. Hilarious and fun. Great popcorn movie. Even without popcorn.

Mar 23, 2011
Ghoulies (1985)

Time for another confession. I've never seen this until today. HOW DID I MISS IT? I do love me some Satan movies! Excellently 80's complete with sunglasses and bad hair. This was truly fabulous to watch. Silly, goofy and an all around good time. But you knew that. Everyone did but me apparently. I'm slow but I get there eventually.

Mar 24, 2011
Dagon (2001)

This is the way Lovecraft is supposed to be. I totally used to play this RPG (outing myself as a massive geek) in the 80's called Call Of Cthulhu with my ex and some friends. The movie WAS JUST LIKE IT! Then, Chris and I played a video game back in the early 00's called Call Of Cthulhu (see a theme here?) and it was JUST LIKE THIS!!! Fish people, rain soaked towns, doors being held shut OMG! This is all things good about Stewart Gordon movies. Don't believe me? Watch for yourself. You won't be sorry.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Puppet Master, Fear of the Dark, Battle Los Angeles, House (1977), My Soul to Take, The Pit and the Pendulum (1991), Horror Hotel (1955), Warlock 3

Mar 9, 2011
Puppet Master (1989)

Um.. I've never seen this before. Look, I'm the first to admit there are all kinds of holes in my horror lexicon. I'm glad to fill this one. What fun! Spooky little bastards that KILL KILL KILL! What's not to love? Of course I do have some nit picking.. like MAYBE SCREAMING FOR HELP is a good idea? You never know, maybe it'll pay off BY NOT DYING. But who am I to judge?

Mar 10, 2011
Fear of the Dark (2003)

Oh Netflix you tricky dicky. Sometimes the best of a bad lot is set upon me by sheer laziness. I could have gone and looked for something better than this, but noooooo. The acting was far to slick for kids. I actively wanted this little shit who had the FEAR OF THE DARK and his whole enabling shit headed family to get eaten by something, but NO. There were plots holes aplenty and for having such cool looking monsters, why did they barely use them? FAIL. DO NOT WATCH. UGH.

Mar 11, 2011
Battle Los Angeles (2011)

I have never seen so many US Marines cry like bitches in a movie. I was embarrassed for them. The writing was incredibly juvenile, the acting was over the top terrible and, and.. it was full of fucking shaky cam. The effects looked good, when I could see them. But this was bloody awful. A complete joke right? Someone please tell me this was a joke.... 

Also: Aaron Eckhart's chin looked like an anus in his Marine helmet chin strap thingy.  Yeah I went there.

Mar 13, 2011
House (1977)

Where the hell did this come from?!? What a fantastic flick! Chris had no idea what I was getting him to watch (nor did I for that matter) and as it starts he was utterly confused as to why I was showing a Japanese schoolgirl romance! BUT NO WAIT THERE'S MORE! It turns into a batshit crazy ghost/vampire trippy freakout! When you consider it was made the same year as Suspiria it makes you wonder if Argento and
Obayashi were taking the same LSD. Super bizarre and very very fun. It did give Chris a really bad dream about pianos though. Be warned.

Mar 14, 2011
My Soul to Take (2010)

Wes Craven should be ashamed of this piece of boring shit. Not gross, not interesting. You are too old to try to write like Diablo Cody (who is too old to write like Diablo Cody as well) so stop. Let it go. BORING.

Mar 15, 2011
The Pit and the Pendulum (1991)

There is a whole lot of Poe jammed into this movie. You should be able to count in at least 3 stories I think. Lance Henriksen really sells the Torquemada angle and Jeffrey Combs is hugely awesome. A pretty interesting adaptation of the story, had some nice gore in to keep you watching. A nice afternoon movie.

Mar 16, 2011
Horror Hotel (1955)

Oh I loved this! Christopher Lee as a professor discussing witchcraft, leading his student to seek a small village to do her "term paper". OMG you can imagine how well that goes for her. I do love me a good Satanic Panic flick and this totally doesn't disappoint. My only gripe was my copy was pretty grim looking. Lots of too black blacks and it was pretty grainy. But I do so love these oldies.. and it made me want cake! Bonus points for that.

Mar 16, 2011
Warlock 3 The End of Innocence (1998)

My notes say "more witchy hjinks!". I don't know why I enjoyed this as much as I did. It wasn't particularly compelling. The acting wasn't that great, the effects were fine. I must have been just in that right mood to like the hell out of this innocuous little direct-to-video-I'm-sure movie. It was fun. Not great cinema, but fun.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Soul Survivors, Dark Mirror, June 9th, Survivors (BBC), Blade, Triangle, Cronos, Fallen Angels (2007)

Mar 3, 2011
Soul Survivors (2001)

Ugh. There was a huge influx of these stupid movies 10 years or so ago. Thanks Scream. This one is dumber than most and my notes say "It was all a dream. Or you were dead. Or who cares". SPOILER.


Mar 3, 2011
Dark Mirror (2007)

I was hoping this would wash away the bad taste from the previous movie, NOPE. Bad actress with bad skin. Did she do it or DID THE MIRROR?? DO I CARE? Again, from my notes. Oh Netflix.. you are letting me down...

Mar 4, 2011
June 9th (2008)

This is a total Blair Witch ripoff with absolutely no payoff what so ever. It didn't know what it wanted to be or do, so it dragged us around with these loser kids for a bunch of pointless set up time that had no punchline. Terrible movie. DO NOT WATCH.

Mar 5, 2011
Survivors (BBC, TV 2008)

This is the pilot for a tv show that goes on for 2 seasons so far. It was a lot like the BBC Triffid series so neither Chris or I could get past that to really get into this. It was the same old plague story with no new twists at all. Like a very dull UK version of the Stand. Boring.

 Mar 5, 2011
Blade (1998)

I had to have a sure thing so Blade it is. This wipes away almost all the badness I've subjected myself to. I fucking love this movie. I remember leaving the theatre with Chris thinking I was gonna be a ninja vampire killing MACHINE and kicking him the butt all the way home. For reals. Action, funny and even though some motherfucker always gotta ice skate uphill, if I can watch a grade a piece of flim like this, I'm ok with that. Damn I love you Blade.

Mar 6, 2011
Triangle (2009)

I had no idea what this was about the first time I watched it. HOLY SHIT! What a great payoff and man oh man do I love me some time travel movies! Melissa George is great in it, and the hard driven plot really grabs your cough by the halls! More movies like this please.

Mar 7, 2011
Cronos (1992)

Beautiful and moving. Funny and disturbing. Sad and hopeful. Del Toro makes art pieces come to life and injects them with this sense of wonder that most films never achieve. He stands alone with his subjects and makes you really know them. Gorgeous.

Mar 8, 2011
Fallen Angels (2007)

What a pretentious piece of shit this was. With a GREAT who's who of horror films cast, this had potential to be something different and new, but it shit the bed in the worst diarrhea like way. The effects looked like they were done using plasticine and rubber glue. They were embarrassingly awful and amateurish. And HINT: shaky cam won't make a crappy rubber suit look any better than it does Mr Jeff Thomas (dir). The ending was supposed to be poignant but turned out to be
preachy saccharine bullshit. Seriously, this was so terrible I thought for sure there would be a wink and a nod at the end or something. God awful in the first degree. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Blessed, Swamp Thing (1982), Drive Angry, The Bad Seed, Sleepwalkers, The Possession Of David O'Reilly, The Disappeared, The Astronaut's Wife

So you can totally tell I finally broke down and got the Netflix streaming service eh? HOLY SHIT BAD MOVIES! Also I see where Heather Graham's career went to die

Feb 25, 2011
Blessed (2004)
 So this was a pretty standard pregnant with the devil's spawn. But boring. And no one cared. Especially me.

Feb 26, 2011
Swamp Thing (1982)
I'm not sure what is more shocking, that I have never seen this or how much Chris and I enjoyed MST3K-ing it. It was a great dude in a rubber suit flick, and Adrienne Barbeau looked pretty good back in the day. Also I LOVE Ray Wise. That was pretty awesome. But it was a little bit lame story wise. Sorry Wes Craven, you are no John Carpenter. Silly fun but I won't watch it again.
Feb 27, 2011
Drive Angry (2011)
SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH. This was AWESOME with a capital FUCK YOU. Overblown, overacted, overdriven. ALL GOOD SHIT YA'LL. I really really enjoyed this hell out of this. Super fun. SUPER. Now shut up haters.

Feb 28, 2011
The Bad Seed (1956)
Ye Gods and little fishes I love killer kids. I love Rhoda and her smarmy-ness. This is a fantastic example overwrought melodrama and is so much fun to watch. Even if they wussed out on the original ending, it is a great example of the period. Go watch it now. You're welcome.

Mar 1, 2011
Sleepwalkers (1992)
Wow. The 90's had some terrible clothes huh? And lipstick? Why did we wear such gross lipstick? Boy, Madchen Amick is sure lovely! And when I see Alice Krige all I can see is the crazy ass bitch from Silent Hill. This is cheesy good fun. Incest-y, cat hating shape shifters are probably really bad neighbours. Too many damn cats pissing in the flower beds. Pretty fun flick to watch.

Mar 2, 2011
The Possession of David O'Reilly (2008)
My notes are comprised of this: Oh god why am I still watching this? Piece of shit. Confusing. Muddled. UGH. JUST LEAVE. So yeah... pretty much that.

Mar 2, 2011
The Disappeared (2008)
This on the other hand was really pretty good. Great spooky atmosphere, tight story and nicely restrained performances. Little UK gem this one. Recommended.

Mar 2, 2011
The Astronauts Wife (1999)
And to round out the festival of WTF is this little cheestacular offering. Johnny Depp should neither have short blond hair or a southern accent. And isn't this almost the exact same plot as Devil's Advocate that she was in too? Yeah, a funny enough evening killer. I don't reckon they intended it that way but at this point, take what you can get eh?

Also quite apparent, my husband is away for the next few days. Expect many movies to be watched. Oh yeah..