Thursday, March 17, 2011

Puppet Master, Fear of the Dark, Battle Los Angeles, House (1977), My Soul to Take, The Pit and the Pendulum (1991), Horror Hotel (1955), Warlock 3

Mar 9, 2011
Puppet Master (1989)

Um.. I've never seen this before. Look, I'm the first to admit there are all kinds of holes in my horror lexicon. I'm glad to fill this one. What fun! Spooky little bastards that KILL KILL KILL! What's not to love? Of course I do have some nit picking.. like MAYBE SCREAMING FOR HELP is a good idea? You never know, maybe it'll pay off BY NOT DYING. But who am I to judge?

Mar 10, 2011
Fear of the Dark (2003)

Oh Netflix you tricky dicky. Sometimes the best of a bad lot is set upon me by sheer laziness. I could have gone and looked for something better than this, but noooooo. The acting was far to slick for kids. I actively wanted this little shit who had the FEAR OF THE DARK and his whole enabling shit headed family to get eaten by something, but NO. There were plots holes aplenty and for having such cool looking monsters, why did they barely use them? FAIL. DO NOT WATCH. UGH.

Mar 11, 2011
Battle Los Angeles (2011)

I have never seen so many US Marines cry like bitches in a movie. I was embarrassed for them. The writing was incredibly juvenile, the acting was over the top terrible and, and.. it was full of fucking shaky cam. The effects looked good, when I could see them. But this was bloody awful. A complete joke right? Someone please tell me this was a joke.... 

Also: Aaron Eckhart's chin looked like an anus in his Marine helmet chin strap thingy.  Yeah I went there.

Mar 13, 2011
House (1977)

Where the hell did this come from?!? What a fantastic flick! Chris had no idea what I was getting him to watch (nor did I for that matter) and as it starts he was utterly confused as to why I was showing a Japanese schoolgirl romance! BUT NO WAIT THERE'S MORE! It turns into a batshit crazy ghost/vampire trippy freakout! When you consider it was made the same year as Suspiria it makes you wonder if Argento and
Obayashi were taking the same LSD. Super bizarre and very very fun. It did give Chris a really bad dream about pianos though. Be warned.

Mar 14, 2011
My Soul to Take (2010)

Wes Craven should be ashamed of this piece of boring shit. Not gross, not interesting. You are too old to try to write like Diablo Cody (who is too old to write like Diablo Cody as well) so stop. Let it go. BORING.

Mar 15, 2011
The Pit and the Pendulum (1991)

There is a whole lot of Poe jammed into this movie. You should be able to count in at least 3 stories I think. Lance Henriksen really sells the Torquemada angle and Jeffrey Combs is hugely awesome. A pretty interesting adaptation of the story, had some nice gore in to keep you watching. A nice afternoon movie.

Mar 16, 2011
Horror Hotel (1955)

Oh I loved this! Christopher Lee as a professor discussing witchcraft, leading his student to seek a small village to do her "term paper". OMG you can imagine how well that goes for her. I do love me a good Satanic Panic flick and this totally doesn't disappoint. My only gripe was my copy was pretty grim looking. Lots of too black blacks and it was pretty grainy. But I do so love these oldies.. and it made me want cake! Bonus points for that.

Mar 16, 2011
Warlock 3 The End of Innocence (1998)

My notes say "more witchy hjinks!". I don't know why I enjoyed this as much as I did. It wasn't particularly compelling. The acting wasn't that great, the effects were fine. I must have been just in that right mood to like the hell out of this innocuous little direct-to-video-I'm-sure movie. It was fun. Not great cinema, but fun.

1 comment:

  1. ANUS-CHIN! That's the best.

    I love your reviews! Will add Pit & Pendulum to our list.