Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Pulse, House of Fears, The Breed, Days of Darknes, Days of Darkness, Halloween 2 (2009), Prophecy 2, Piranha 3D, Burnt Offerings, Vanishing on 7th St, Source Code, Iron Doors, The Innocents

 July 7, 2011
Pulse (Unrated 2006)

I hate to admit this, but I've seen this already. I hoped the unrated tag would change something, make it better, grosser, more, um.. better. No such luck. Still has Veronica Mars wandering around with the guy from Vampire Diaries. Nope, no good. The world still gets over taken by a computer virus that sucks all the happy out of people. The exact way I felt after watching this. Sad Panda.

July 8, 2011
House of Fears (2007)

I was expecting this to suck BALLZ. Really. It was on Netflix and looked absolutely terrible. I was pleasantly surprised that this was a few notches above the fare I have come to expect from that combination. The acting was pretty decent and the story was nice and tight. The sets looked great! It was set in a Haunted House so if there was an element of cheese, it really worked with the story. I have nothing really negative to say about this. Good on ya HoF!

July 9, 2011
The Breed (2001)

Someone saw the Matrix and wanted to make a Vamp movie that looked like it. FAIL. Oh man, where do I start? Bai Ling and her very strange costumes? The confused story? The way Adrian Paul leapt through the air blasting his guns a la John Woo? The terrible dialogue? Ugh. Hot mess doesn't begin to cover this turd. I do have to say Chris and I had a good time MST3K-ing our way through it. But of course YMMV. 

July 11, 2011
Days of Darkness (2007)

We totally thought this was a zombie movie. Netflix said it was! So we waited, and waited and waited. But sadly the story of a Quebecois man's mid-life crisis never materialised into anything other than a boring sex obsessed loser's fantasies. We seriously had no idea what the fuck was going on, and fully expected a zombie invasion/outbreak until maybe 3/4 of the way through. :( So it turned out to be a horror movie of a different kind. A sad tale of how not to live your life and suck as a person. Viewers be warned!

July 12, 2011
Halloween 2 (2009)

I must have some sort of self flagellation thing going on this week. I've watched this before too, but again thought maybe I was too harsh when I first saw it. No. No I was not. I reckon Mrs Zombie needs work badly for her husband to cast her in EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES EVEN AFTER HE KILLED HER OFF IN THE FIRST ONE. sigh. The whole scary thing about MM is that he existed in OUR WORLD. An anomaly if you will. By dragging the stupid-ness of the Sheri Zombie sub-plot into this, it ruins the construct. Ugh. What a waste of money, time and, effort. Like fuck off with your white horse bullshit. 

July 13, 2011
Prophecy 2 (1998)

Did you know this is the only time Mr Walken has reprised a role? Well it is. And it totally stands up as a sequel and a stand alone movie. Good story, fun acting (especially Brittany Murphy as a suicide who gets reprieved for her computer skills) and nice visuals. I'd watch it again. 

July 14, 2011
Piranha 3D (2010)

Even better not in 3D. I could actually see parts that were too dark to see in the theatre. Holy fucking bloody gross fun. Apparently Aja had tanker trucks of blood out there. FUCK YEAH! FUN FUN FUN. 
July 15, 2011
Burnt Offerings (1976)

I don't understand the title of this movie. But that in now way stopped me from loving it. Oliver Reed in particular as an over wrought Father who is losing control of everything. I kinda love him. Karen Black is fucking odd looking, and works it to her best ability. I love Bette Davis and (hold the goddamn phone) the kid in this movie was REALLY GOOD. Creepy as hell and super duper summer fun!! 

July 16, 2011
Vanishing on 7th St (2010)

I can say with absolute certainty that Hayden Christensen is a better actor than Robert Pattinson. If only for this role. That is totally damning someone with faint praise yes? They both are JUST THE WORST. THE WORST. The movie itself was pretty enjoyable. The shadows were tres' creepy and the idea that everyone just disappears is icky. Chris could even tolerate John Leguizamo in it. I think the whole was greater than the parts. I like apocalyptic flicks so this was a no-brainer for me. Surprisingly good.

July 17, 2011
Source Code (2011)

Sci-fi counts ya'll. It does. So we figured out the BIG TWIST about 15 minutes in. Was it supposed to be a twist at all? Eh, this wasn't nearly as good as Groundhog Day. And I had to watch so much Jake G that I nearly barfed. I only like him in Donnie Darko. Hm. I was kinda bored by this, but Chris seemed to like it. But he also is the one who tried to make me watch the last Harry Potter (I wrote POOTER at first. Haw haw) knowing we shut the previous one off due to boring. We did the same to that one too. OMG digress much? 

July 18, 2011
Iron Doors (2010)

Holy shit on a shingle this was dull. I was hoping for a Cube/Saw hybrid. NO. NO GOOD MOVIE FOR YOU. All this pointless blah blah with a more pointless and unbelievable sex scene followed by the worst ending in recent memory. Way worse than that run on sentence I just hammered out. DO NOT WATCH. 

July 19, 2011
The Innocents (1961)

Hurray for Gothic horror! Ghosts, craziness and, charming children are the ingredients for a lovely afternoon of fun. Is it real? Do I care? This is delightful old school creeps with no gore, no real effects at all. Just atmosphere and good tight story. A well deserved break from some of the garbage I've been subjecting myself to lately.

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