Spawn, Suckerpunch, Cabin Fever, Insidious, Idle Hands, Slumber Party Massacre 1, 2 & 3, The Coffin, Wake Wood, Final Destination 2 & 3

 June 23, 2011 

Spawn (1997)

Yawn. I seriously fell asleep watching this. Twice. Still one if the best soundtracks ever. The movie blows goats. Gleefully it seems.

June 25, 2011

Suckerpunch (2011)

Totally a horror movie. For any woman ever. Son, I am disappoint. I knew from the reviews this was gonna be a misogynistic mess but was surprised by how awful it was. The smaller the costume the crazier a bitch is? This was filthy and not in a good way. Mr Snyder, I'm gonna pretend this didn't happen ok? You had your creepy wank rape fantasy period. Let's end it here. :( 

June 27, 2011

Cabin Fever (2003)

Was it really 7 years ago Eli Roth burst (har har) on the scene with this nasty little flick? So creepy, so over-the-top gross. And one of my favourite lines/characters ever in a movie. PAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNCAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEESS!!

Oh Dennis. you know bad blood when you taste it. Go back and re-watch this. Total fun.

June 28, 2011

Insidious (2011)

Second viewing. Totally holds up as one of the creepiest movies I have seen in a damn long time. Great tension!

June 29, 2011

Idle Hands (1997)

One of my top 10 horror movies of all time. Seriously under-rated and over-looked. It has knitting in it, and marijuana saves the day! Cheese abounds in this, but if you scratch the surface, it's a fucking shit show of scary. I love this little flick with my whole black heart. I'm Leatherface!!

June 30, July 1/2, 2011

Slumber Party Massacre 1, 2/3 (1982/1987/1990)

How have I not seen any of these?

1 is a pretty straight up slasher, with lots of early 80's boobs and a pretty weak story. The really strange thing about all of these is the killers. In 1, you never really know why he's killing (aside from an article in a newspaper mentioning a psycho on the loose) or how he picks these girls. Random, but you know standard. 

2 on the other hand, is clearly BAT SHIT INSANE. I have no idea what the fuck was going on at the best of times. But it did evolve into a bizarre musical with the killer (who may or may not have been dreamed up by our final girl) singing whole songs with his guitar drill. Yes. I said guitar drill. Oh the 80's! 

3, well I've never seen a bunch of people who deserved to die more. Standing and screaming and ugggggh. It couldn't be over fast enough. And the killer seemed like he was written in at the last minute as they couldn't figure out how to incorporate one. So lets make a guy whose Uncle was a suicidal cop who may or may not have touched him inappropriately. I think. I'm still not clear.

The other thing all 3 had in common is they were all directed by Women. I wish I could say they were well directed, but... sigh.

July 3, 2011

The Coffin (2008)

Based on a true Thai Ritual this boasts. Well after watching this, I reckon no one wants to take part in this ritual anymore. It doesn't seem to work out like you planned. It's a Monkey's Paw kind of story in what you wish for comes true with TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES! Also, it was shot with a blue filter to make it look spooky or something. It's disjointed and poorly told. Don't watch this. Go read a book. Any book.

July 4, 2011

Wake Wood (2011)

Now talking about things going terribly wrong.. what could possibly be bad about trying to resurrect your daughter from the dead? If you play by the rules, nothing I suppose. But wouldn't that be a boring movie? Good thing people in these are never playing by the rules. This was a fun Irish movie, with some creepy bits and good atmosphere. I'd say it's a watcher.

July 5/6, 2011

Final Destination 2/3 (2003/2006)

I admit it. I have a real soft spot for these movies. The Rube Goldberg machinations alone make them worth watching for me. They maintain a solid mythos and are plain ol' entertaining. You like 'em or you don't. I do. Both fun to watch my biggest beef was with all the turtlenecks worn in 2. At least that what my notes said. So yeah. I'm kinda excited to see the next one come out.

Tales From the Crypt: Ritual, Hellraiser: Bloodline, Werewolf (MST3K), Black Death, Children of the Corn 3: Urban Harvest, Harvesting Horror: Children of the Corn

May 18, 2011

Tales from the Crypt: Ritual (2002)

I actually really enjoyed this. I KNOW RIGHT??? But I have a soft spot for Voodoo movies and this was really fun. Tim Curry is in it along with Jennifer Grey and the incomparable Craig Sheffer! Silly good times and even though my copy was kind of shitty, it made me want to be somewhere tropical. Without Voodoo spiders or zombies.

May 19, 2011

Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

PINHEAD IN SPACE! I actually hear that in my head said like PIGS IN SPACE from the Muppet Show. File that under shit you didn't need to know. Anyways, yeah. Pinhead in space. And in the past. I reckon this was scratching close to the bottom of the barrel at this point in the Hellraiser films yes? The origin of the box. Ooooooh. The cool thing? The dude from Step Brothers and Parks and Rec is in it. Hmm. Who knew? This killed an afternoon. Oh yeah, and there is an awful kid in it. With a stupid bowl cut. And that is all I got about this one. AVOID.

May 20, 2011

Werewolf/MST3K (1996)

Gah. I had ONE success with the bots. One. I totally thought they wold be able to make this rancid piece of shit smell like cupcakes but BZZZZZZZT. WRONG. The premise of this turd is WEREWOLVES IN NEW MEXICO. But it forgets that weak sauce for some of the worst acting I have ever seen. Everyone was Eastern European trying to do these Yankee accents, well except for Martin Sheen's brother. Who was eerily like him. It was kinda creepy. So um.. yeah. Terrible acting, terrible plot and no love/funny from Mike and the bots. SAD FAIL.

May 21, 2011

Black Death (2011)

Bloody depressing. I liked the Nic Cage one better. 

May 22, 2011

Children of the Corn 3: Urban Harvest (1995)

He Who Walks Behind The Rows in the big city! Well goooolllleeee.. OMG. This was a fucking hilarious shit fest from beginning to end. From the terrible mid 90's clothes to the splatter-riffic ending that had puppets, stop motion and I shit you not, dolls! It was fantastically, astonishingly convivial to behold. Really damn funny. Go watch it. 

May 23, 2011

Harvesting Horror: Children of the Corn (2004)

Nice small documentary (was an extra on the bonus edition of the first COTC) about making the first movie. The director and the 2 main child (kinda) actors tell about making the film. Some good insights into doing some effects on a small budget. A good watch.

Sleepaway Camp, Return to Sleepaway Camp, The Boogeyman (1980), The Resident, Psycho 2, Dreamcatcher

Apr 12, 2011

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Again, another movie I have never seen. Was the 80's just a complete deathtrap for kids or what? Between dodging the pedo-cook, playing on the roof and lifeguard unattended swimming sessions, it looked like a minefield of troubles. The kitchen alone possessed more filth in the hugely disgusting flypaper strips than Times Square does now. Euw. I think the tone of this movie was set by the clearly insane/really high Aunt/Mom and it went shit sledding like mad after that. I had already been spoiled about the *shock* ending but it was still pretty funny. For all the wrong reasons I'm sure.

Apr 13, 2011

Return To Sleepaway Camp (2008)

Seeing Vincent Pastore (Big Pussy) was an indication of the amount of money the producers were about to inject into this fine film. Yup, it was THAT good. I have acronym for this kind of movie. ICBIWTWT. I can't believe I watched the whole thing. It really applies here. Terrible stuff.

Apr 13, 2011

The Boogey Man (1980)

I was hoping this might be a little gem that could cleanse my palate. But no. Although it was a fucked up mess of the weird kind, it failed to make that transition into weird AND wonderful. It was just weird. And badly acted. I have to admit I did like the premise of a mirror that can possess farm implements and people across the lake. Not for the easily bored. 

Apr 13, 2011

The Resident (2011)

This however was AMAZING. I think this was Hammer's 2nd or 3rd outing in their new incarnation and I really am happy to have them back. Chris and I both really enjoyed this. There are moments that make this  incredibly uncomfortable to watch, which is what good horror movies do. They make you feel stuff that outside of the norm. Kind of like the old eps of The Office without having to endure Steve Carrell. I hate him. Anyways, my only beef with this movie is not enough Christopher Lee. His role was very small. Minuscule in fact. but it was good to see him at all. JDM does a great job as creepy, a role I didn't know he had in him and Hilary Swank is completely vulnerable. Very enjoyable evening. Well not so much for her, but I sure liked it.

Apr 14, 2011

Pyscho 2 (1983)

Poor Tony Perkins. Psycho both made and ruined his career. I can see why he took this role, but I wish it he didn't have to. It was ok enough but how do you compare with the original. Meh.

Apr 14, 2011

Dreamcatcher (2003)

Oh dudes, I love this movie. I know I know, but I do. My mind fills in all the weak empty spots of the script from the book and I LOVE the men in it. All of them. Really. The shitweasels are fully realised but do lack some weight (as do all CGI from that time period) and are an absolute horror. Kasdan does direct a gorgeous movie, and uses his Star Wars wipes with abandon. I know it's flawed but it is probably my favourite King adaptation. Even with the incredibly goofy finale. So. Fucking. Goofy.

Blessed, Swamp Thing (1982), Drive Angry, The Bad Seed, Sleepwalkers, The Possession Of David O'Reilly, The Disappeared, The Astronaut's Wife

So you can totally tell I finally broke down and got the Netflix streaming service eh? HOLY SHIT BAD MOVIES! Also I see where Heather Graham's career went to die

Feb 25, 2011

Blessed (2004)

 So this was a pretty standard pregnant with the devil's spawn. But boring. And no one cared. Especially me.

Feb 26, 2011

Swamp Thing (1982)

I'm not sure what is more shocking, that I have never seen this or how much Chris and I enjoyed MST3K-ing it. It was a great dude in a rubber suit flick, and Adrienne Barbeau looked pretty good back in the day. Also I LOVE Ray Wise. That was pretty awesome. But it was a little bit lame story wise. Sorry Wes Craven, you are no John Carpenter. Silly fun but I won't watch it again.

Feb 27, 2011

Drive Angry (2011)
SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH. This was AWESOME with a capital FUCK YOU. Overblown, overacted, overdriven. ALL GOOD SHIT YA'LL. I really really enjoyed this hell out of this. Super fun. SUPER. Now shut up haters.

Feb 28, 2011
The Bad Seed (1956)
Ye Gods and little fishes I love killer kids. I love Rhoda and her smarmy-ness. This is a fantastic example overwrought melodrama and is so much fun to watch. Even if they wussed out on the original ending, it is a great example of the period. Go watch it now. You're welcome.

Mar 1, 2011
Sleepwalkers (1992)
Wow. The 90's had some terrible clothes huh? And lipstick? Why did we wear such gross lipstick? Boy, Madchen Amick is sure lovely! And when I see Alice Krige all I can see is the crazy ass bitch from Silent Hill. This is cheesy good fun. Incest-y, cat hating shape shifters are probably really bad neighbours. Too many damn cats pissing in the flower beds. Pretty fun flick to watch.

Mar 2, 2011
The Possession of David O'Reilly (2008)
My notes are comprised of this: Oh god why am I still watching this? Piece of shit. Confusing. Muddled. UGH. JUST LEAVE. So yeah... pretty much that.

Mar 2, 2011
The Disappeared (2008)
This on the other hand was really pretty good. Great spooky atmosphere, tight story and nicely restrained performances. Little UK gem this one. Recommended.

Mar 2, 2011
The Astronauts Wife (1999)
And to round out the festival of WTF is this little cheestacular offering. Johnny Depp should neither have short blond hair or a southern accent. And isn't this almost the exact same plot as Devil's Advocate that she was in too? Yeah, a funny enough evening killer. I don't reckon they intended it that way but at this point, take what you can get eh?


Also quite apparent, my husband is away for the next few days. Expect many movies to be watched. Oh yeah..

Ichi The Killer, Spider Baby, The Curse Of Frankenstein, Apparitions, Rabid, Paranormal Activity 2, The Horror Of Dracula

Jan 29, 2011

Ichi The Killer (2001)

I totally forgot how fucked up Miikes' movies are. It's been ages since we watched this and OMG. The audacity it must have taken to make this in the first place.. I can't even imagine. It's rapey badness and violent and plain old batshit crazy. I mean truly truly insane. It was tougher to watch than I remember but has glorious payoffs. It's funny, disgusting, upsetting and GROSS. Hats off Mr Miike, you ARE gonzo cinema. I will be revisiting more of this soon. 

Jan 30, 2011

Spider Baby (1964)

I love this movie with my whole black heart. It's silly, funny, and even truly creepy. Jake (my 18 year old son) came in when we were watching this. He sat down and totally enjoyed it with us. Well really why not? Gorgeous girls in nighties running around, Captain Spaulding as a young bald semi-moron and the threat of the spider game. Who wouldn't love it. The commentary is totally worth listening to and the special features on the DVD are great. Go get this gem. It's wonderful. 

Jan 31, 2011

The Curse Of Frankenstein (1957)

I have such a terrific crush on Christopher Lee it isn't even funny. This re-telling of the Shelley story isn't really unique in any way but it is enjoyable as hell to watch. I find Peter Cushing to be a cold fish in most stuff, but he is actually lecherously fabulous in this. Truly a single minded jerk. Lovely as usual Hammer sets (which I am starting to recognise!) and costumes. 

Jan 31, Feb 1 & 2, 2011

Apparitions (2008)

I watched this BBC offering over 3 days (it was 6 hours!) interspersed with other stuff. It was a classic exorcist tale, with the very charismatic Martin Shaw as Father Jacob. A priest who investigates miracles. He gets caught up in a demonic kerfuffle, and hilarity ensues. Well maybe not hilarious for everyone, but it was pretty good TV. It did feel a little overtly preachy at times, but there was enough creepy shit going on to keep me interested for most of the 6 hours. 

Feb 1, 2011

Rabid (1976)

I love that David Croenenberg is unapologetically Canadian. Setting this in Montreal? Awesome. His movies are classic tales of body horror. I love him, I love them, I love Marilyn Chambers, I love it all. 

Feb 2, 2011

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

We really enjoyed this first one of these flicks. I especially love watching my husband get really really wound up and freaked out. This sequel amps up the scares and gets into the mythos of the story a little bit more. It gets into the action pretty quickly and was really really fun to watch. And so was Chris. 

Feb 3, 2011

The Horror Of Dracula (1958)

More Hammer horror. Mr Lee wearing the most awful contacts ever in this film. I read he couldn't see at all when he wore them, and kept missing marks. It is a rather mixed up version of Bram Stoker's novel, but that doesn't detract from the fun.Yay Hammer!

Phew, that was huge. I really have to try to blog more frequently.

Bloody Birthday, The Blob (1988), Mark Of The Devil, Hands Of The Ripper, Animal Kingdom

Jan 25, 2011

Blood Birthday (1981)

What can you say about kids that are born during an eclipse? Apparently they are born missing something... but that wouldn't be the urge to KILL!!! I do love me some killer kid movies, and this doesn't disappoint. Not a swear word to be found, but boobies EVERYWHERE! These early 80's flicks really do (real) boobs and blood well. Can you believe we kids used to play in the junkyards of the world? Empty fridges for everyone! 

Jan 25, 2011

The Blob (1988)

Chris wanted to watch this one, he has really fond memories of it. I did see it in the theatres when it came out, but didn't remember much of it. LOVED IT! Kind of less campy than the older but seriously grosser. It was cool to see Shawnee Smith of Saw doing a little more mainstream less crack whore role. Her hair was amazingly huge. The blob effects were stellar, they looked a little like Tetsuo from Akiras' explodey hand thingy. Nice and fleshy... euw.

Jan 26, 2011

Mark Of The Devil (1969)

I did not need a vomit bag contrary to the poster. BUT, if people think Hostel and Saw were the advent of the torture porn industry WRONG. This is all torture all the time. Really disturbing witch hunting torture device torture. I have now written torture so many times it becomes meaningless and strange looking. I sort of liked this, but the dubbing was pretty terrible, and the story was weak sauce. But it was pretty interesting to watch. And it had a very young Udo Kier with a full head of hair!

Jan 27, 2011

Hands Of The Ripper (1971)

Oh Jack the Ripper! See what you have done? Well that connection is pretty weak. I guess seeing (allegedly) JtR kill your Mum turns you MAD I SAY. This was kind of awfully hilarious. Not one of Hammers finest efforts, but a nice Thursday afternoon movie. Chris and I both laughed at it, but I should caveat, I am trying out some new meds, so can't be responsible for anything I review in the next little while. I miss Christopher Lee.

Jan 28, 2011

The Uninvited (2009)

Just you shut up all you PG-13 haters. Remember we have to hook the young'uns to keep the genre alive! Not all kids like hard R films. Yet. Ok, having leapt off the soapbox, I really really liked this movie. In fact this is the second time I watched it, The story was tight, the scenery was gorgeous, the girls realistic in their stupid teenager ways. And yes, I know, it's a re-make of a Korean movie Tale of Two Sisters, but I still haven't seen that so this was all new to me. I can truly say I did not see the twist coming and it delighted me! So there.

SUPER AWESOME BONUS MOVIE!!!

Jan 28, 2011

Animal Kingdom (2009)

Chris listens to the /film podcast regularly. He tends to run behind do he doesn't get spoiled. He came home yesterday with this little gem and wow. Seriously wow. This film out of Australia is one of the best movies I've seen. Like Black Swan, it totally engulfed me and I had no idea which way the story would go. The acting was absolutely top notch. The story was in turns heartbreaking and frustrating, sometimes painful to watch but simply outstanding. The story of a boy who is suddenly adrift in his world who is tossed into another he has no footing in. Brilliant. Go watch it.