The Gorgon, Monkey Shines, Shelter, Death Becomes Her, Forget Me Not, House (Hasu), Children Of The Corn: Genesis, Deep Red, Bird With The Crystal Plumage, 30 Days of Night

I have got to admit this, I have hit the wall when it comes to horror movies. I can't find any new ones that spark my interest. If I see one more shallow twat getting stalked by a murderous killer, I may turn into one (either one frankly)  myself. I think this last month will be tough to get through and will require a Herculean strength of will. Thankfully I hate Christmas more, and that usually fuels a return to the love of all things evil. Hail Satin! Or however that goes...

Nov 14

The Gorgon (1964)

Poor Megaera, her looks leave you cold. And stoned. Mr Lee arrives to save the day. Kinda. 

Nov 15

Monkey Shines (1988)

I had no idea that George Romero wrote and directed this. I think it may actually rise above Martin as my favourite film of his. Terrific story, well acted and some nice monkey action make for a fun flick. That little monkey Ella, can come and dust my house anytime. 

Nov 16

Shelter (2010)

I had never heard of this movie before I saw it on one of the movie channels. It was tagged as a horror film so I DVR'ed it and am I ever glad I did!! The always awesome Julianne Moore (who I have a terrific girl crush on) is spot on form as a forensic psychiatrist who gets involved with a case that turns out to question and shatter her deep religious beliefs. I really liked the performance by Jonathan Rhys Myers too. And, it has Hill People in it! I truly enjoyed this movie, will definitely re-watch this!

Nov 17

Death Becomes Her (1992)

Black humour and Isabella Rosellini's side boob. Yup. Pretty fun. 

Nov 18

Forget Me Not (2009)

For all the bitching I've done about new movies sucking balls, this one was pretty fun too. For a tired genre, this is pretty damn original. It has some good twists and turns and looked great too. I genuinely enjoyed this low-budget outing. 

Nov 20

House/Hasu (1975)

I ordered the blu-ray Criterion edition of this and as soon as it got to us we ripped it open and popped it in. OMG STILL BATSHIT CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! This is a stand out movie on all levels. Classic. 

Nov 21

Children Of The Corn: Genesis (2011)

Well, this wasn't as terrible as most of the sequels. Billy Drago is in it. He looks like a dessicated corpse and that was kinda scary. So yeah.. umm.. I barely remember this movie at all. :/

Nov 22

Deep Red (1975)

1975 was a good year for movies. Classic Argento.I love Daria Nicolodi in this movie so much.

Nov 23

Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970)

Classic Giallo. Beautifully shot. Wonderful.

Nov 27

30 Days of Night (2007)

This is one of my top 10 horror movies I think. Chris doesn't get it and I'm not sure I do entirely either. I think the vampires themselves have an enormous amount to do with it. There ain't a sparkle in the whole bunch of them. In fact they darkle (look it up). Danny Houston is magnificent as Marlow. I (only after watching this yesterday for the like 10th time) finally understood who he was. The actor I mean. I love you Mr Houston. I really do. This whole movie really does my head in. The cold, the isolation, the whisper quietness.. it all works as a wonderfully terrifying flick for me. <3 <3 <3

Corridors of Blood, Battle Royale, The Reaping, Return of the Living Dead, Suicide Club, Motel Hell, The Woman In Black

Oct 29

Corridors of Blood (1958)

Boris Karloff is trying to find a way to make surgery painless, but gets all fucked up in the process. A handsome Mr Christopher Lee is Resurrection Joe, a villain if you've ever seen one. Charming low horror flick.

Oct 30

Battle Royale (2000)

Wow. Wow wowie wow wow wow. How I love this movie. The weird stilted dialogue. The insane premise, the kids! One of the best j-horror-ish flicks EVER. Not traditional horror, but societal horror. Absolute fucking genius. The re-make will be tragic. 

Oct 31

The Reaping (2007)

I kinda like this movie. It's a little predictable, but has some really nice effects and Ms Swank looks pretty great in it. My notes say "I can has abortion?". Ha ha I crack me up. 

Oct 31

Return Of The Living Dead (1985)

It's Halloween! Party like it's 1985! Canon.

Nov 1

Suicide Club (2001)

This is the only movie out of all of the ones I have re-watched that made less sense when I was sober. I don't have to understand it to like it. Messed up. The tranny bowling alley musical scene is just... err....

Nov 2

Motel Hell (1980)

This was way weirder than I thought it would it be. It is full of ugly people too. People really just made bad decisions back in the day didn't they? I suppose that is how shit like this got made. Bad decisions and ugly people.

Nov 3

The Woman in Black (1989)

British ghosts don't fuck around do they? They will follow you home and KICK YOUR ASS. There is a lovely little terrier called Spider in this. He was grand.

Memoirs of an Invisble Man, Malicious, Contagion, Red State, House (1986), Slither, Hellraiser 1&2, Jaws, The Night Flier, The Birds, Lair of the White Worm, The Beast must Die, Taste the Blood of Dracula. Dracula AD 1972, Scars of Dracula, Growth, Dracula has Risen From the Grave, Dracula (1958), The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires

Wow. What a fuckeree this is! So many movies, so little blog. sigh.

Sept 7
Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)

Chris couldn't believe I hadn't seen this. Actually neither can I. It is a totally solid John Carpenter entry. Although I have a hard time seeing Chevy Chase as anyone except Pierce from Community. I keep exclaiming "he is so young/skinny/not hideous!" Really good story here. Good effects too!

Sept 8
Malicious (1996)

Seriously? Molly Ringwald is a psycho? MOLLY RINGWALD? Dude. This entry into the stalker genre is hilariously wonderful. Ms Ringwald (who goes full on topless for this role!) is so totally miscast it would be kind of sad if it was so funny. I don't know if I could recommend this, but if you want to see her boobs it may be for you.

Sept 9
Contagion (2011)

This is the kind of flick that if you are at all germaphobic you will want to avoid (like the plague!). It made me so aware of touching my face it almost hurt. Super scary in the so real I don't want to think about way, that I was a little freaked out for a few days after. It does have fantastic performances (especially by my boyfriend Matt Damon) AND you get to see Gwyneth Paltrow die! Loved it!!

Sept 10
Red State (2011)

Scary church people are scary. Tight story, good acting, Kevin Smith knows how to make a good scary movie.

Sept 12
House (1986)

I remember this being way scarier than it was this time around. In fact this didn't hold up at all. Maybe 'Nam is all so 20 years ago but it was really mediocre. I also thought it was funnier than it was. :((((

Sept 13
Slither (2006)

Genius. Just plain genius. Gross, funny, shocking and a nice ambiguous ending. Did I mention gross? And features an old pal from back in the day Corb Lund. Yee haw!

Sept 14/15
Hellraiser 1/2 (1987/88)

Come on. These are awesome. Except they ruined that weird red meat in Chinese cooking for me. It just looks like Hellraiser leftovers.

Sept 16
Jaws (1975)

How could I have been 7 when this came out? I swear I remember it from back then. My parents did take me to some to sketchy drive-in's. You know, they would have some cartoons, a kids movie than BOOM! GROWN UP TIME. I recall being awake for some stuff I probably shouldn't have seen. Real quiet like. YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT!

Sept17
The Night Flier (1997)

This was truly gross. I was surprised at the gore level. It was way better than I had anticipated, I really kinda dug it. It was cheesy but fun. One of the better King adaptations. I KNOW RIGHT??

Sept 18
The Birds (1958)

I wish there were movies like this. Canon.

Sept 19
Lair of the White Worm (1988)

Twisted. Way more than I recalled. Man, that UK stuff back then was whack. I loved it. Goofy as it seems now, it's so much fun to watch. And gorier too!

Sept 20
The Beast Must Die (1974)

I almost always like these 70's flicks. The atmosphere alone is usually enough to captivate me. This however STUNK. Like rotten chicken bones covered in black bananas bad. Terrible plot, minimal "story" and some amazingly bad acting. Ugh. I can't even.. blech. ugh.

Sept 21
Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970)

Look, I love all these Hammer movies with Christopher Lee in them. He was the balls man. This was a somewhat slapped together story but it was still fun. Those bloody eyeballs freak me the fuck out.

Sept 22
Dracula A.D.1972 (1972)

This was a much more swingin' entry into Dracula's world. It was absolutely the best "modern" Dracula Hammer did I think. LOVE.

Sept 23
Scars of Dracula (1970)

WOW! Drac really gets to sink his teeth into this role. He is NASTY. Not usual vamp nasty, but brutal. Standard plot stuff, but Lee really stepped it up here. LOVE THIS!! Also: they must have gotten a good deal on the reconstituting blood powder. They use it enough.

Sept 25
Growth (2009)

Chris found little gem. I have a fear (like almost all NORMAL people) of parasites and wow.. this did not help that all. It was a surprisingly good low budget bug flick. It was gross enough, and the story totally drew me in. I do have to note the end was slightly confusing (wait until the credits are over to see what I mean) but eh. I am always happy to find little weird movies like this, it helps restore my faith that the Michael Bay's of the world won't take over. Unless they get the bug too....

Sept 26
Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1968)

My notes say "awesome". Let's leave it there shall we?

Sept 27
Dracula (1958)

I've already reviewed this here. It was still a pleasure to watch Peter Cushing star in this mish mash of Drac stories.

Sept 28
Legend of 7 Golden Vampires (1974)

This was one of the strangest co-productions I've watched in like forever. Peter Cushing reprises his Van Helsing role and goes to China. I have no idea how the fuck this nutjob of a flick got made, but I'm kinda glad it did. It's not cinema gold or anything, but damn it was weird. Probably only for true genre fans, this is a hilarious entry into Hammer's legacy. Christopher Lee was offered the Dracula role but after he read the script he (wisely) turned it down. :D

Pulse, House of Fears, The Breed, Days of Darknes, Days of Darkness, Halloween 2 (2009), Prophecy 2, Piranha 3D, Burnt Offerings, Vanishing on 7th St, Source Code, Iron Doors, The Innocents

 July 7, 2011

Pulse (Unrated 2006)

I hate to admit this, but I've seen this already. I hoped the unrated tag would change something, make it better, grosser, more, um.. better. No such luck. Still has Veronica Mars wandering around with the guy from Vampire Diaries. Nope, no good. The world still gets over taken by a computer virus that sucks all the happy out of people. The exact way I felt after watching this. Sad Panda.

July 8, 2011

House of Fears (2007)

I was expecting this to suck BALLZ. Really. It was on Netflix and looked absolutely terrible. I was pleasantly surprised that this was a few notches above the fare I have come to expect from that combination. The acting was pretty decent and the story was nice and tight. The sets looked great! It was set in a Haunted House so if there was an element of cheese, it really worked with the story. I have nothing really negative to say about this. Good on ya HoF!

July 9, 2011

The Breed (2001)

Someone saw the Matrix and wanted to make a Vamp movie that looked like it. FAIL. Oh man, where do I start? Bai Ling and her very strange costumes? The confused story? The way Adrian Paul leapt through the air blasting his guns a la John Woo? The terrible dialogue? Ugh. Hot mess doesn't begin to cover this turd. I do have to say Chris and I had a good time MST3K-ing our way through it. But of course YMMV. 

July 11, 2011

Days of Darkness (2007)

We totally thought this was a zombie movie. Netflix said it was! So we waited, and waited and waited. But sadly the story of a Quebecois man's mid-life crisis never materialised into anything other than a boring sex obsessed loser's fantasies. We seriously had no idea what the fuck was going on, and fully expected a zombie invasion/outbreak until maybe 3/4 of the way through. :( So it turned out to be a horror movie of a different kind. A sad tale of how not to live your life and suck as a person. Viewers be warned!

July 12, 2011

Halloween 2 (2009)

I must have some sort of self flagellation thing going on this week. I've watched this before too, but again thought maybe I was too harsh when I first saw it. No. No I was not. I reckon Mrs Zombie needs work badly for her husband to cast her in EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES EVEN AFTER HE KILLED HER OFF IN THE FIRST ONE. sigh. The whole scary thing about MM is that he existed in OUR WORLD. An anomaly if you will. By dragging the stupid-ness of the Sheri Zombie sub-plot into this, it ruins the construct. Ugh. What a waste of money, time and, effort. Like fuck off with your white horse bullshit. 

July 13, 2011

Prophecy 2 (1998)

Did you know this is the only time Mr Walken has reprised a role? Well it is. And it totally stands up as a sequel and a stand alone movie. Good story, fun acting (especially Brittany Murphy as a suicide who gets reprieved for her computer skills) and nice visuals. I'd watch it again. 

July 14, 2011

Piranha 3D (2010)

Even better not in 3D. I could actually see parts that were too dark to see in the theatre. Holy fucking bloody gross fun. Apparently Aja had tanker trucks of blood out there. FUCK YEAH! FUN FUN FUN. 

July 15, 2011

Burnt Offerings (1976)

I don't understand the title of this movie. But that in now way stopped me from loving it. Oliver Reed in particular as an over wrought Father who is losing control of everything. I kinda love him. Karen Black is fucking odd looking, and works it to her best ability. I love Bette Davis and (hold the goddamn phone) the kid in this movie was REALLY GOOD. Creepy as hell and super duper summer fun!! 

July 16, 2011

Vanishing on 7th St (2010)

I can say with absolute certainty that Hayden Christensen is a better actor than Robert Pattinson. If only for this role. That is totally damning someone with faint praise yes? They both are JUST THE WORST. THE WORST. The movie itself was pretty enjoyable. The shadows were tres' creepy and the idea that everyone just disappears is icky. Chris could even tolerate John Leguizamo in it. I think the whole was greater than the parts. I like apocalyptic flicks so this was a no-brainer for me. Surprisingly good.

July 17, 2011

Source Code (2011)

Sci-fi counts ya'll. It does. So we figured out the BIG TWIST about 15 minutes in. Was it supposed to be a twist at all? Eh, this wasn't nearly as good as Groundhog Day. And I had to watch so much Jake G that I nearly barfed. I only like him in Donnie Darko. Hm. I was kinda bored by this, but Chris seemed to like it. But he also is the one who tried to make me watch the last Harry Potter (I wrote POOTER at first. Haw haw) knowing we shut the previous one off due to boring. We did the same to that one too. OMG digress much? 

July 18, 2011

Iron Doors (2010)

Holy shit on a shingle this was dull. I was hoping for a Cube/Saw hybrid. NO. NO GOOD MOVIE FOR YOU. All this pointless blah blah with a more pointless and unbelievable sex scene followed by the worst ending in recent memory. Way worse than that run on sentence I just hammered out. DO NOT WATCH. 

July 19, 2011

The Innocents (1961)

Hurray for Gothic horror! Ghosts, craziness and, charming children are the ingredients for a lovely afternoon of fun. Is it real? Do I care? This is delightful old school creeps with no gore, no real effects at all. Just atmosphere and good tight story. A well deserved break from some of the garbage I've been subjecting myself to lately.

The Rite, Hatchet 2, Beneath the Dark, Tucker & Dale VS Evil, Husk

 May 9, 2011

 The Rite (2011)

Am I the only one who roots for Satan in these movies? Sir Tony was quite good in this, if not a little more Hannibal than I expected. The imagery was pretty cool, and it was shot really lovely. But damn.. give a Demon a chance ok? 

May 10, 2011

Hatchet 2 (2010)

Goddamn I love me some Adam Green. His work just keeps getting better and better. There's some nice nods to other flicks in this (not just his own Frozen, which scared the frozen poo out of me) and his writing is spot on. Funny, bloody, gross beyond belief (the first kill is absurd in it's delightful awful-ness), I can't wait to see what he does next. Viva La Crowley!

May 11, 2011

Beneath the Dark (2010)

This was preachy, boring and, stupid. And that was the good bits. I hate these (SPOILERS) Oh noes I'm dead movies. I mean it it's tough to pull this off and this was an epic FAIL. Meadow Soprano can't raise her acting above a writhing pent up, high school production of Our Town. The lead actor dude, who sometimes slips into a weird Irish accent (despite having said he's never been to Ireland in a speech he gives to black Jesus) is awful. Just the fucking worst. Holy shit Netflix, how about you buy Blade 1 for us Canucks to watch and get rid of some of these POS's? Sheesh.

May 11, 2011

Tucker and Dale VS Evil (2010)

Now this, this is pure fucking movie GOLD HERE. I really had no expectations for this and was so far passed pleasantly surprised it was in Shaun of the Dead territory for both Chris and I. Seriously, we haven't laughed this hard in a movie in so long, it was a thrill to find this. Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine are our charismatic lead hillbillies. Our female heroine is played by 30 Rock's Cerie who I just LOVED. She was sweet and funny and it was a great role for her. Honestly I can't believe no one has thought of this *twist* on the hillbilly from hell genre. An absolute blast for anyone, horror fan or not. This was maybe the best indie film I have seen in ages. If you like SOTD you'll LOVE T&D VS Evil! Go watch now. NOW I SAID!

May 12, 2011

Husk (2011)

Kind of like Children of the Corn with scary scarecrows (hahaha) and a little bit of ghost stuff tossed in. Not exactly boring, but kinda played out. The plot was a little dopey, but there was some creepy images, and some good solid jump scares. An ok afternoon diversion.